


la vie en rouge

by SwingBallBlues



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Established Relationship, Flashbacks, HyungHyuk - Freeform, M/M, Self-Harm, Timeline What Timeline, all in!au, fighter!AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-06
Updated: 2016-10-06
Packaged: 2018-08-19 20:55:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8224547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SwingBallBlues/pseuds/SwingBallBlues
Summary: The air feels so cold against his warm blood, and everything looks like a laggy video game, as if he’s not in his body, as if it were a movie in a movie.





	

“You know what I regret the most?” Minhyuk asked one night, eyes lazily gazing up at the sky above him through the opening that used to be a slider window just four nights ago. Hyungwon had broken it whilst trying to get in, cutting himself in the process, and when Minhyuk started fussing frantically at him, he shrugged it off with a simple “ _Just a little boo-boo, no biggie,_ ” and a wince. 

Hyungwon was almost asleep, head snugly resting on one of Minhyuk’s meatier thighs. It wasn’t unusual for Minhyuk to say such vague things when he was lost in his own head, thinking about everything and nothing at all. It was always hard to keep up with Minhyuk, and it caught Hyungwon by surprise at first, but as things always went with the silver-haired energy ball, he’d learnt to just go along with it. 

He got up with a little struggle, his dead arms betraying him, and joined Minhyuk by leaning his full weight on him. He followed Minhyuk’s focus and studied the night sky with glassy eyes, yawning loudly. The sun had gone to rest, the moon slowly taking its place as pitch darkness surrounded them in their little hiding place. Minhyuk was the one who found it. It was a sun-dried brick single story house, detached, left to decay by its previous occupants thanks to the ongoing wars. There, they were safe. Away from the battle, from Hyungwon’s dad, from the anger and pain their town had suffered so much, from everything. It was practical, because both of their houses were out of the question, Minhyuk began fishing about for their own so-called safe house; a place where they could revel in each other’s company like the sense of time didn’t matter. It got particularly chilly during the night, though, but it was perfect. _They_ made it perfect.

Hyungwon looked up and saw a canopy of luminous stars amongst the ocean of blackness. Some were dull, merely flickering into existence every now and then, but it was enough to illuminate the dark night. He admired up above, and it never failed to amaze him how the sky was so mysterious, a tad eerie, calm, but most of all entrancing that he couldn’t help but look. Much like the stars, Hyungwon never got tired of looking at Minhyuk, too. In a way, he was like the night sky himself. Hyungwon knew the older had a side of him that he was reluctant to show anyone, so he looked, searched his soft cinnamon eyes for scraps of information here and there. The brightest people always have the darkest secrets, right? 

He remembered only a minute later that Minhyuk had asked him a question, but made no further move to press on for an answer. His eyes were still fixed on the sky.

“What?” Hyungwon finally asked. “What do you regret?”

Minhyuk blinked and cocked his head to the side, coming down from his trance. “That first day of school, when you just moved here,” he turned and his eyes met Hyungwon’s for a moment before looking away, a frown on his face, “When I told you you had no place here and walked away? Remember that?”

“Yeah,” Hyungwon replied quietly, his gaze falling to his lap. “I remember.”

Hyungwon could never forget being rejected first thing upon his arrival. His mom’s passing a month prior had taken a toll on him and his father’s relationship, proving to be too big of a blow emotionally, physically, and even financially. That was exactly why they moved to the town. No money, no friends, and no relatives, the two of them did what they had to do to pull through. And Hyungwon, poor little Hyungwon, being the selfless child his mother had always taught him to be, never prodded for anything more. 

Minhyuk and his gang of friends were a handful. Hyungwon could tell by first glance. These unruly, peppy bunch had approached him with curious eyes and whispered taunts. At 16, Hyungwon had been blond. His tresses of honeyed blonde hair hung neatly just above his neck, and his deep-set chocolate brown eyes were soft and kind. His cupid’s-bow plush lips surrounded his small, soft-spoken mouth. He was _pretty_ , could’ve even passed up as a model. He stood at 5'8" but other than his alarming height, he looked harmless, like your perfect resident city slicker.

Jooheon, the youngest, had been the first to speak up. “ _You,_ ” he pointed a chubby finger at the taller boy, “ _Who’re you?_ ”

Hyungwon tried his best not to stutter. Jooheon hadn’t been intimidating despite his sharp slanted eyes, but beside him was Hyunwoo, with his tall and stocky build, almost towering everyone else. 

“ _I’m Chae Hyungwon, I’m new in town,_ ” he managed to say with his chin up.

“ _Like we haven’t noticed,_ ” another boy at the back had snorted. It was Hoseok, with his ripped leather jacket adorned with patches of rock band logos he’d probably never heard of. “ _Don’t get smart, kid._ ”

Hyungwon had to stop himself from rolling his eyes at that. Hoseok looked about the same age as him, if not younger. He was good-looking too, and was soft around the edges. He acted tough but Hyungwon could easily see through all that smokescreen. 

“ _I’m not looking for trouble._ ”

This time, Minhyuk stepped up. Out of the 5, he looked the friendliest, with his prominent bunny teeth. Or so Hyungwon thought. “ _Oh, but you kinda are,_ ” he said mockingly in a raspy voice. “ _Coming here all dolled-up like that, you think you’re gonna fit right in?_ ”

Hyungwon couldn’t reply to that, at least not as clever as he wanted to. “ _N-no,_ ” he said in a lower voice.

Minhyuk laughed brightly and nudged a shorter boy next to him on the elbow. “ _Can you believe this guy?_ ”

The shorter boy- Kihyun, had jet-black hair and tiny eyes, somehow looking scarier than the rest even with his small and spare figure. “ _But don’t worry, Hyungwon-ah, you’re gonna like it here,_ ” he said snarkily with a grin. 

Hyungwon felt smaller than he was before, and when he looked up his eyes locked with Hyunwoo’s. They were warm and pensive, almost resembling his own. He hadn’t said anything, though, and didn’t look like he was about to anyway. His sole presence was enough to make Hyungwon feel uneasy.

“ _We’ll see you around,_ ” Jooheon waved two fingers at him and turned to leave with the others. 

They all turned their backs from him, and Hyungwon almost breathed a sigh of relief when suddenly Minhyuk turned around and skipped toward him. “ _Hey,_ ” he called, way more softly than before that Hyungwon’s heart started pounding irregularly, “ _Hey Hyungwon. You have no place here,_ ” he announced, expressionless. He offered no fake smile and swiftly walked away, humming a random tune cheerfully. 

It didn’t feel like a harmless threat like it was obviously supposed to be. Hyungwon’s heart dropped to his stomach and it just… hurt. Even more so than it was offensive and annoying, coming from such a kind-looking person like Minhyuk, it felt like a slap in the face. 

The first couple of weeks had been hell for Hyungwon, until Hyunwoo put an end to it and assigned Minhyuk to “stick around” with him and “be his friend”, in which he initially had scoffed and moaned in protest to. Hyungwon always knew Hyunwoo wasn’t a bad guy. It took sometime until Hyungwon eventually made his own way into the group. They weren’t really as bad as they came off as, nothing more than a group of daring kids trying to prove themselves to anyone watching. Hyungwon grew to like everyone, even the notorious heckler Jooheon, and they too began to welcome him. He got especially close to Minhyuk, being his first companion and all, and soon the two would become inseparable. Changkyun would join them a little later on, a young boy with his baby chub still apparent here and there across his figure but with a deep voice that would raise eyebrows, and then they were one. 

“That’s my biggest regret with us,” Minhyuk said, breaking Hyungwon from his own train of thoughts. “Not giving you a chance. I told you you were too much, I questioned Hyunwoo’s decision to bring you in numerous times, right in front of your face,” his voice cracked, “I should’ve had faith in you. Hadn’t it been for Hyunwoo, I could’ve lost you. _I almost lost you._ ”

Hyungwon couldn’t help but smirk to himself. _So he’s being melodramatic tonight_. Bringing a hand up to Minhyuk’s cheek, he stared into his favourite pair of eyes. “But you didn’t,” he smiled sweetly up at him. “I’m right here, still believing in you. Still loving you. Just like I told you I always would.”

Minhyuk chuckled, his cheeks dusted a warm pink. “Yeah, you are,” he murmured, leaning in. “And I’m so lucky,” he said before kissing Hyungwon on the lips, his hands raking up to clutch at Hyungwon’s sides. 

It was cold, but it was perfect.

 

* * *

 

“Oh my god,” Minhyuk gasps, his palm coming up to his mouth. His knees feel like jelly, barely managing to stay upright as he staggers over to the side of the bathtub. “No no no no no, please, oh no,” he can feel tears stinging at the corners of his eyes, but doesn’t fight them. He rises a shaky hand to Hyungwon’s face and shudders at the realization of how pallid Hyungwon’s skin is compared to his, how cold it is. Hyungwon’s face is void of any emotions, only peace, all walls torn down, leaving him looking so vulnerable and so _young_. Hadn’t Minhyuk known better, he would’ve thought he was sleeping. He places his hand on Hyungwon’s damp hair and starts stroking gently. “Hyungwon, no…”

He bites his lip hard enough to cut, sneaking his hand into his front pocket and bringing a small tube of the lavender-coloured liquid out into the light. He inspects it, watches it shimmer under the pale glow of the afternoon’s sun, and doesn’t hesitate pouring the entire content into the tub. He chants a silent mantra Jooheon had taught him during one of their parties under his breath, his hands joined together in a praying stance. The tears don’t stop, soaking his entire face and quivering lips wet as he stimulates the liquid with his hymn that grows louder by the second. 

When he’s done, he hastily climbs into the tub and rests himself on top of Hyungwon, burying his face at the crook of Hyungwon’s piercing cold neck. “I don’t want to lose you,” he whispers into Hyungwon’s ear, his breath becoming shallow and ragged. “I almost lost you once, I can’t lose you again,” he sobs. He takes Hyungwon’s hand in his, gripping it tight. He manages to stop sniffling before shutting his eyes, praying quietly that the liquid will work its magic quicker than Jooheon said it would. Slowly, but surely, he begins to feel oddly calm and light, like he’s floating, his formerly tensed muscles relaxing. He opens his eyes to take one final look at Hyungwon’s face. “Thank God I didn’t lose you,” he laughs weakly before consciousness slips out of his grasp entirely. He doesn’t fight it.

Many moments later, Hyungwon’s fingers twitch and move to hold Minhyuk’s. When Hyungwon finally fully regains his consciousness, his arms and legs instinctively trash around wildly, his mouth desperately gasping for oxygen. It’s a second until he notices the weight on top of him and he collects himself enough to recognize the boy in his arms. 

“Minhyuk?” he calls, shaking Minhyuk’s body gingerly. Minhyuk feels cold, but so does himself. “Minhyuk, what have you done?”

Only after a couple of rougher jerks and panicked shouts later Hyungwon realizes that Minhyuk is in fact, not breathing. 

Hyungwon screams Minhyuk’s name until his throat begs for air, his visions blurred and unclear as tears start raining down his cheeks. He wants to deny it, wants to burn the sight before him from his memory and go back to sleep and never wake up again. So without much thought, he gets up, out of the tub, and picks up a broken pot nearby with a trembling hand. He slams it once against the wall, for good measure, and jams the sharper end into his wrist, slicing it open. When he sees the blood trickle down his arm for the first time, it knocks the air out of him. The air feels so cold against his warm blood, and everything looks like a laggy video game, as if he’s not in his body, as if it were a movie in a movie. He sinks to his knees with a loud thud, dragging himself closer to the tub and pulling Minhyuk’s hand out, holding it like a lifeline. The droplets of blood plunging into the water inside the tub make an endless rhythmic plop that soothes him further and further away from consciousness, and he doesn’t fight it.

 

* * *

 

_“I had a beautiful dream, and at the end of that dream, we met again.”_

Together, they run; his feet in perfect sync to the beating of his heart, his shoes squeaking delightfully against the bleached ceramic tiles as he speeds up. The adrenaline rush makes him feel giddy, like he’s high off laughing gas, and he allows a face-splitting smile to form on his lips.

“Hyungwon, come on!” Minhyuk calls from ahead of him, warm cocoa hair bobbing messily up and down. He doesn’t slow down.

Hyungwon doesn’t want him to.

Because he knows, this time, Minhyuk won’t lose him. Ever again.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> happy birthday jooheon <3


End file.
